Merry Christmas

I'm sitting here at work, one of about maybe 12 people out of our group of 140, that didn't go home for the holiday and I'm listening to the thunder and seeing the flashes of lightening outside and watching the rain just absolutely pour outside and I feel a weird kind of peace in my heart and my mind.  I've really struggled the last couple of weeks with our decision to not go home for Christmas, I've been teary and moody and sad and elated all at the same time....one of the ladies here and I were talking about this and she laughed and said "Oh honey, that's just menopause, they have medication for that!" she claims to be a tea tottler - guess the tea make the meds go down better huh?

Don and I don't really have any plans for Christmas.  It's been really weird not rushing around doing a bunch of shopping for crap that nobody really wants or needs but you buy it anyway because you 'gotta have a present' for them under the tree...I just simply sent the means for the kids to get what they want and for Ashley to fill up the space under the tree for the boys and other than buying some gifts for my beautiful step-daughter, Cheyenne, I've done ZERO Christmas shopping and while I have to be the first one to admit I hate shopping I'm also admitting I missed Christmas shopping for all that crap nobody really wants or needs.  I haven't done any baking...well I did buy a package of pre-made Tollhouse cookie dough and baked some cookies last weekend...which is really weird for me because one thing I LOVE to do is bake my momma's sugar cookies and destroy the kitchen with frosting and laugh as I watch the tips of my fingers and lips and tongue change colors from the food coloring used to make red for Santa's suite and green for Christmas trees and yellow for stars and whatever freaky combination of colors I come up with when I get to the point where being meticulous on frosting not longer becomes a priority and I thow it all into a bowl and finish frosting the "damn cookies...whose dumb idea was this anyway?" point.  You all know the one.

I think the rain is kind of filling a void that comes with not having any sign of winter at Christmas time.  That's really been throwing me off...I bought some thermal jamies because it's the middle of December and I need thermal jamies...or at least I did in Washington...what I'm finding here though is that I'll wear them to hang out in but when it comes to wearing them to bed they usually get switched out at some point during the night for a t-shirt because it's just too damn hot to wear them to sleep in (again, another argument for menopause I suppose but I can justify this one using the weather).   It's 65 degrees right now but with the rain it's gray outside and so I'm sitting here in my office pretending it's freezing...oh wait, it is...65 degrees outside means someone had to turn on the AC and it's probably about 40 in my office...so I'm having my own private winter right here and got this melloncholly Christmasy feeling going on and I'm diggin it.

What's everyone doing for Christmas?  I'm going to sleep in, maybe get a little Christmas morning lovin (grin), make my husband a big Christmas breakfast and just hang out and take the day as it comes.  We're planning on seeing a couple of movies - the new Mission Impossible and We Bought a Zoo so that should fill up a good portion of the afternoon.  I'm really trying to not think about being down here all alone and really I'm not alone, I have my husband and things between us are better than ever - they really are and we're in the stage where we're really becoming best friends...again...and I'm loving that he loves me like he does.  He's such a kind gentle souled man, he's funny and makes me laugh, he's a pig and makes me mad, he's sentimental and makes me cry, he's warm and he makes me feel like I'm home.

Guess it really doesn't get much better than that does it?

Whatever you do, I hope you find peace and happiness on Christmas and everyday besides it.  I hope you have an abundance of love surrounding you. I hope you have food to eat and you leave the table and run to change into a pair of sweats before your button on your pants pops.  I hope you have enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

Merry Christmas everyone.  I love you.