6 more sleeps

Only 6 more sleeps and we start our new adventure to Mississippi. 

I think know it finally hit me yesterday that this was all real.  I had a blast meeting people at the moving sale Friday and Saturday and making deals and even though some of it was hard to part with it, it wasn't too traumatic..until it was time to clean up and take the rental tables back.   When we finally decided to wrap it up and I sat in my lawnchair and looked around and realized how much stuff we really sold it was kind of surreal.  Before when I had yardsales it was usually around spring cleaning time to clear the clutter because summer is crisp and clean in my mind and cleaning the clutter was always a good thing.  I'd sell stuff and it was no big deal because I still had all my favorite stuff in the house.  This time was very different.  This time all my favorite stuff was out on tables with people pawing through it and having to remove myself emotionally from everything I owned because while I could take it with me there was no reason too, there was no favorite stuff in the house to go back into to.  Its a weird feeling having all your walls bare, cupboards and cabinets empty, furniture gone, nothing falling out of the 'tupperware' cabinet when you open it because you have entirely too much crap in it, no lost lids - I found them all!  That was like the golden grail of all of this, all my bowls and pots and pots that were suppose to have lids finally had them, what a feeling of accompishment that was.  But anyway, everything but out clothes and a couple of miscellaneous things we're going to need this next week is gone.  There's a pile of stuff out on my driveway that we didn't sell and we're going to donate to a fundraising yardsale and even as I type this I know my favorite baking pan is out there and I'm fighting myself to not go get it.  I don't need. Heck I'm movin to the south, them thar suthun women can do the baking for me and I'll just have to go to the church to buy somethin when they hold a rummage sale...see up here in the north we do yard sales because we just toss the crap we own out in the yard they hold rummage sales ...they organize everything all pretty like and folks come in and rummage through it...they don't care if you buy their stuff they just want to sit and visit with y'all a bit. Anyway, back to my point....

I sat and looked around at what was left and started putting stuff in boxes and stacking it up in a donation pile, sent Ashley into the house to get the things she picked out and put in her car and she walked out with a picture that my mom painted.   I knew she was going to take it, I even agreed she could, i was thrilled she wanted it because it means a lot to me, but when she carried out of the house to put it in her car I almost completely lost it.  I helped her put it in the car and that was hard, I know it sounds silly, I know where it's going, I know she loves it as much as I do, I know that "at least its staying in the family" but at that very moment in time that didn't offer me any comfort, I felt this ...I don't know...desperation? well up inside of me to take it all back, to take the pay cut and just stay put right here, the only place I've ever known to be home (save the year I spent in Phoenix when I got preggo with Ashley) and keep the comforts I love so much around me, to continue to be complacent in life but I knew I couldn't do any of that, so as I placed the painting in her hands to put it in her car I had to let it go, I had to let it all go.  I managed to choke the tears back as she got Gabe in the car and then herself and as she drove away..being the drama queen that I am...i said, 'good bye' and that's when things got fuzzy...not a confusion fuzzy but a fuzzy and in the tears were burning my eyes and i couldn't see fuzzy.  Don pulled up shortly after that and started taking the tables down and I busied myself with packing stuff up avoiding his eyes because I knew once i looked into them I'd find that comfort I thought I lost as I watched people drive off with my stuff and I just wasn't ready for that raw emotion. But then he did it.  He offered me a drink of his soda and said something to me..i don't even know what it was...and I caught a quick glimpse into this eyes and I knew I was fixing to be sobbin..he said something and in trying to protect myself I got pissy and didn't yell at him but I snapped at him and he said "i'm sorry I didn't mean to make you mad" and I could barely get the words "I'm not mad" out before I was sobbing my heart out.  I couldn't see, my glasses were getting wet, tears were pouring out of my eyes, i couldn't talk, I could barely breath and I had no choice but to let it all go.  I sat on the step of our shed and cried (hell I'm crying right now) I sat there for I don't know how long and the tears just poured and the sobs were just unrelenting and he being oh so smart after all these years didn't say anything, he just let me cry...he went into the house and brought me some tissue - which stuck to my face because my face was so wet from crying - and he let the dogs out of the back yard and they both came over to me and showered me with puppily loves and that made me cry even harder so here i am bawling my head off with globs of wet tissue stuck to my face spitting dog hair out of my mouth and I'm sure I was quite the site, one car drove by real slow like they were going to stop and I'm sure they saw me and that's why he hit the gas and they sped off.   I managed to catch my breath and I thought the tears were done so I started getting busy and God bless my husband for giving me "that moment" and then a text came in from Jessica saying she and Michael were going to stop by and say hi. I warned them..."we're packing up the remnants and I'm crying so enter at your own risk" and they came anyway :).  They pulled up just as I put the lost of the leftovers in the pile and I stood on the sidewalk talking to them and the sobs hit me again...I didn't even try to hide it and love my son for inheriting my sense of humor and Jessica for just hugging me because between them they brought me back to the reality of how great this is really going to be.  This new start. 6 more sleeps peeps. 6 more sleeps.

I'm so excited and yet scared spitless to take this new opportunity. I wonder stupid things like "will I melt in the humidity?" (well that would be one effortless way to drop this last 10 pounds once and for all right?), will I be able to understand folks that have a deep southern accent? I mean I'd hate it if someone said something like "mayonaise theres a lot of people at the rice tonight" and I misunderstood them and thought they wanted rice and mayonaise, or if I had to ask them to repeat themselves repeatedly or have to ask them to "show me" what the were saying or even worst if this stupid southern accent that's taken over my brain were to pop out and they either laugh at me or get mad because they were thinking I was making fun of them.  I wonder what it smells like there.  If you've lived here for any length of time you can relate to the "boise cascade on overdrive" smell right? do they have smells like that?  Will I be able to handle the slower pace of everything there? I've been warned by people that actually live there to be very patient...nobody's in a hurry...I'm always in a hurry and I get frustrated when others are warp speeding with me. Will I be successful in my job or am I going to fall on my face.  Will my new boss appreciate my sense of humor or am i going to have to stiffle it?  will I be ostracized for not eating ocra and drinking sweat tea? and there's the heavy emotional stuff that I'm not going to allow myself to get into anymore today...missing my kids and my grandkids and my sister and my friends and not having the chance to run into old friends at walmart or applebees or where ever, and the not so much emotional stuff as comfort stuff like knowing exactly how to get anywhere I need to go  not being able to know the river or lakes I'm fishing and knowing what kind of bait to use, will my fishing pole break when i land my first large mouth bass? what happens if i catch an alligator...don't laugh y'all it could happen and speaking of alligator what happens if I go to a cajun restaurant where the accents are think and they don't serve chicken (chickens are pets in the south!) but try to fool me because i'm an easy target northerner and actually feed me gator or try to pass of froglegs as chicken, and y'all know how much I love my chocolate and I especially love chocolate covered nuts, what if i mistakenly think i'm buying chocolate covered peanuts and actually end up buying chocolate covered crickets? see? I should sell tickets to a day in my brain....silverwood roller coaster rides got nuthin on me.

6 more sleeps and I get to start answering my own questions.