So there I am at the Pink Party at the Pub, surrounded by a sea of pink - it was amazing to see it, practically everyone was wearing it! The atmosphere was great, the music hadn't started yet but I'll be surprised if they'll be able to hear it over the laughter and screams of the crowd. Shelly & Pam both looked absolutely amazing. Drinks were flowing, the auction items were all lined up and ready for bids and a lot of bids they will get before the night is over because they had some really great donations for the silent auction and some really great ones for the live auction. I saw a few people I went to high school with and a gal from work but nobody I really knew other than Pam and Shelly and they were both having a great time. It was fun to sit and watch them interact with everyone, the hugs and smiles and yes, there were some tears as they remembered why they are doing what they are doing and for those that lost their battle and for those that are still fighting it..Pam? I gotta just say you make peach fuzz look fabulous! I'm so proud to know both of these ladies and I felt bad for getting up and leaving before the party even really got started but...
as I sat there and watched all these things around me I felt so very very alone. Tonight was the 1st time I'd been out without Don in a very long time and when I bought the tickets it was my intention to go with him and some of our family members but that's changed now and tonight was like a sledgehammer drilling that into my head...and my heart....I just couldn't do it. I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe and tears were threatening their way to the surface and I barely made it to my car before they spilled over. I had to pull over when I left the parking lot because I couldn't see to drive. I managed to quit crying and made it home and just started getting busy folding laundry and then the phone rang.
It's a rare thing for my brother Kelly to call me anymore but it was him on the other end of the phone. I managed to get through the first minute or so and then he asked me what I was doing and I found it absolutely pathetic that I had left this great party because I was feeling sorry for myself and started crying..and I cried...and I cried...and I cried...and he just listened. He told me it was ok to feel what I'm feeling and it's ok to cry and let the emotions that are all bottled up inside of me out and he told me I wasn't a loser but instead one of the strongest women he knows (I interrupted with "yea, I'm 10ft tall and bullet proof behind these 4 walls) and he told me that even though it doesn't feel like it right now it's all going to be ok.
Funny how siblings just pull stuff out of you...Keith called me yesterday morning and made me laugh, Trina is forever checking on me and she makes me laugh, cry, yell & scream, dance with no shoes on and keeps me in check with reality and to have Kelly call? It was really just what I needed to release the ickiness I was feeling inside at that very moment in time. He reminded me to take baby steps and I think it's just awesome how my brothers and my sister were there when I was taking the 1st baby steps in my life (Ok, Trina wasn't there but I was there for hers so it's only fair she's here this time lol) and even though there's been many times in my life that I didn't deserve it they've been there every step since then. I love you Kelly, Keith, and Katrina! Thank you!
So, now I'm home, I'm going to put in a movie and fold my laundry because life goes on....
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