Filling in the blanks.

Since most of my "readers" are friends on facebook, I'm addressing this primarily to you.  However there are some family members that also read my blog and this is just my attempt to fill in the blanks on some recent changes in my life.

First I want to say thank you to those who have stood by me these last few months (some years) as I've worked to discover what I'm really all about and who I am and what I need in life and as I've gone through the transition to where I am today because without you all I'd still be stuck where I was stuck for a very long time now.

My husband and I have separated and my plan is to eventually file for a divorce.  This has been a long time coming and we finally came to the moment in time that will forever change the directions our lives will take.  We hit the moment when our desires to be whole apart overcame our misery to be halves together.  I'm not going to bad mouth my husband because we were both equally responsible for the demise of this marriage and we're both equally responsible to our own selves.  So that being said....I need people to understand that the last few months have painfully difficult in all realms of life.  Spiritual struggles, emotional struggles, financial struggles, every day struggles, and I have to just be honest and say that I knew this day was coming and because of that I've been able to work through a lot of doubts and fears that you find yourself experiencing when you hit the point of divorce.  I've found peace with this and I believe if my husband is honest with you (and himself) he would say the same thing.  It's like I was watching the death of a loved one and I'm not referring to him as that loved one but that of our marriage.  There was so much hope, so many dreams, so many many good times these last 15 years but at some point those hopes and dreams faded and slipped through our fingers and the good times really weren't that great for the most part but they were that were and they were what we had to hold onto.  I've done the mourning of the "what could have beens," I've found a strength inside of me that I never knew existed and as stupid and cliche as it might sound we simply quit growing as a couple.  Our goals changed, our dreams changed, our inner hearts and cores changed and there was little to no common ground left so instead of continuing to live this miserable life that we developed we are both moving on and seeking new opportunities.

I wish my husband nothing but the best in his life.  I really do.  I have no ill feelings towards him.  I'm not bitter or angry or confused or even really sad.  I'm ok. I really am ok.  And do me a favor.  If you have any questions or comments about this situation please ask me, please don't speculate and please don't go into any sort of hate campaign on my behalf or even on his because it's not necessary.