So, out of sheer boredom I had to get out of the house this evening so I decided to go to Target and walk around. I know the thrills of being single are just about too much on a Saturday night.
The minute I shut the door I literally said, "Sto...damnit Karen" it was too late...I had locked the door and my keys were still hanging on the hook near the door. I panicked for a minute and then thought, "hidden key" and then my panicked picked up the pace a little bit when I went to the spot where the hidden key was and it was gone! So I fought to remain calm and went and checked the sliding back door because we used to be able to wiggle it and get it to unlock, no such luck. I checked the windows I knew I had opened earlier and yep, responsible ol me locked them. I broke down and called Don to find out if he moved the key and of course he said, there is no hidden key, we gave it to my parents when they were here. CRAP. He of course gallantly offered to leave the ROLLER DERBY (ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME????? - glad I gave him some money to buy gas to go to his interview Monday...enjoy the beer on me as*hole!) to come let me in which was a good reminder he still has a house key (note to self, get the key back!). And instead of giving him the pleasure of coming to my rescue I kept checking windows and found one that was unlocked.
YES! So then the next problem was how to get IN the window...the bottom of the window comes to the top of my shoulder, now, I have long legs but not that long. So I think, ah the ladder...ah dumbass the ladders in the LOCKED shed and where are the keys? Oh, yea, that's right, next to your house keys on the hook...the one you have to pass as you walk out the door...
So I start looking around and I found some cedar blocks that were stacked up next to the shed, I thought if I can stack a few of these up I can climb up and maybe get my leg in.....So I start piling up these blocks ...3 of them should do, that put the bottom of the window about belly button height right, easy to lift my leg and climb in. One foot up and then the other and then I realize that my boat size feet are as wide as the block is long and there's no way I can balance on one foot and get my foot in without falling on my ass. I could literally see me getting my foot stuck in the window, loosing my balance and hanging there until the cops drove by sometime in the next few days. So I rethunk my Maguyver plan and lowered the bricks to single layer which now puts the bottom of the window to boob height. Somehow though I managed to get my leg up into the window, grabbed the wall side of the window and pulled with all my might and before I knew it I was straddling the window sill and realized there was about 3 ft of boxes piled under the window and next to that a big box of family picutures, Don's hockey gear bag, my roller skates (so sad about derby :( ) and at this point, I didn't care...all I cared about was that this window is right out in the open and someone was surely watching this and having a great laugh. So I kicked all that crap with my foot, knocked boxes everywhere, picture frames were broken, not a pretty sight but I'm now in the house precariously teetering on a plastic tote that all my Christmas village trees are in...I would rather break my head open hanging out the window waiting for the cops than to step on my trees! So I sat on the window sill and flung my body over the boxes and actually landed on my feet, slammed my hand into the wall and laughed because it was almost like being a derby girl!
Locked the window, grabbed the extra key and hid it when I got home...dusted off my pants, grabbed my keys, put the blocks away, busted the screen trying to get it back in....who knew a hand-held garden shovel would not work in the same manner a screwdriver would? and then i sat in my car and bawled my eyes out! there was no way I was going to let anyone see me go back in the house defeated so I put on my sunglasses and drove off into the sunset....and now I'm waiting for the sun to set so I can just go to bed already!
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